I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
