so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Randomize
