I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
