Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
