ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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