Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
