i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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