I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
