i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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