like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Randomize
