I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
