How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
