in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
