im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
