Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Randomize
