remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it was like eating out sand paper
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Randomize
