God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
