I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
