We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
