And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
