OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
