tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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