just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
