why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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