I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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