So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
