drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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