I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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