If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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