Pants 0. Shit 1.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
