Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
