If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
