My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
