If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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