Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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