My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My liver just had a heart attack.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Randomize
