omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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