I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
