I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
