So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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