You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
