So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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