Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
