I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
A bitchslap is in order.
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