your thong is hanging out like whoa
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
