he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
