Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
