I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
