I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
