He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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