don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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