She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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