I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Randomize
