Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
one might say we're banned from that church
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
