he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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