i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
