no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
