Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
